Toxic relationships

What did I do to you?

I felt very compelled to write about this because I see it happen all the time and I too have experienced being in toxic relationships.  In the beginning of the relationship everything seems fine and you are enjoying each other.  A lot of the problems that will arise later in the relationship you probably wouldn’t  have even seen it coming.  I know there is always a phase that new relationships go through called the “lubby dubby” stage but what happens after that stage is what has me like wow!  This particular stage reminds me of another post I’ve written and you can check it out here.

I met a guy a few years back and I promise you the treatment I got from him I definitely didn’t expect it nor saw it coming.  The rage he had in him was beyond anything I had seen before.  I felt so emotionally drained.  He had a lot of issues going on in his life way beyond my control and his as well.  Lets just say the choices he made earlier in life affected his future in ways he didn’t think it would while he was growing up and coming into himself as a man.  In situations like this you find yourself trying to motivate, inspire and just be there as a good woman should for the man that she is with.  You also begin to feel terrible that you can’t make all of his issues fade away. When you begin to feel that way you then start throwing his behavior towards you “under the rug”.

When a man is stressed as we all get sometimes there is still a certain way to handle it.  Never should one say oh he is stressed and that’s why he is constantly yelling, fussing, being negative, and acting as if you’re the problem when in reality deep down you both know what the problem is and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.  Toxic relationships happen all the time but the fact that you don’t know when to let them go is when it becomes a major problem.  Lucky for me I knew what was acceptable and what wasn’t so when it was time to let go, I did just that! I’ve learned over the years that you can try to motivate, encourage and inspire someone all you want but until they are ready to face their issues head on, there is nothing you can do or say that will help them.  The one thing that you can do is love yourself enough to say “hey I understand you are going through a lot and its nothing that can make it better but there is still a level of respect that you will have to have for me in order for me to continue to be here for you.  These kind of relationships can break you down mentally and have you emotionally drained if you let it.  I say that to say this if you’re in a toxic relationship and it can’t be worked though  then go do whats best for you because it’s not fair to you that the person your with is taking out his or her problems on you.  When you’re in a relationship you are supposed to be that person’s peace not there making them feel like an enemy that your attacking because you can’t handle what’s going on in your own life! If you remain in a toxic relationship it can only bring you down to level that you don’t want to be at and you don’t deserve that!

toxic relationships are not healthy and you shouldn't allow someone to treat you less than you deserve
toxic relationships
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Heather | Made In A Pinch

Thank you for sharing your story! Toxic relationships are so hard. I have been in one too and stayed in it too long and put up with too much. Partly out of a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence on my side. It took some digging and growing and soul-searching (as well as getting out of my safe-zone and doing something scary) to make changes in my life. It definitely isn’t easy but it’s worth it to live a life you want to live.

Ysh Dee

The most difficult thing to do for a woman in a serious relationship is to admit the fact that your partner is draining you. Toxic relationship is not going to take you to places. Relationship should be an inspiration and not a destruction of oneself.

Good for you that you were able to get out of an unhealthy relationship
http://myhappyramblings.blogspot.com/

Linda

Really interesting article, relationships can be so emotionally draining especially if you want to give your all yet the recipient isn’t willing to go the extra mile with you.

thoughtsofawomanrevealed

Thank you for sharing and I’m so happy that things are getting better with your mom. I hope that one day you two are extremely close I wish you and her nothing but blessings.

Helene

It’s really tough to deal with toxic relationships and toxic people in general. I can see now that most of the times unhealthy relationships never start very well, at least i can now recall the bad signs being there from the very first moment.

Cami

I’ve also gone through my share of emotional labor in a toxic relationship. Do your best to remove any chance of that happening again in your life. Don’t forget the mistakes because that is how they are made again. Kudos to you for taking a stand.

thoughtsofawomanrevealed

Thank you so much for sharing and I definitely will always recognize those signs of a toxic relationship real fast now.

Adilene

Great post!! You are right! In a relationship, you are meant to bring them peace, love, comfort not be the opposite. I’ve been in a toxic relationship so I completely understand.

thoughtsofawomanrevealed

Thank you so much! That’s right if a person can’t bring you those things then he is not worth your time. I’m happy you got out of that relationship as well.

Cynthia

I’ve had my share of toxic relationships and have to admit many times I let the abuse happen just because I was afraid to be alone. I am so glad I learned to put myself first and recognize what is unacceptable, as you say!

thoughtsofawomanrevealed

Thank you for sharing! You are a queen and I’m so happy that you stop letting that happen because you deserve so much more!

Elena

One of my friends were in a similar relationship like yours. It was awful and I think that he is still bothering here even though they broke up a year and a half ago.

Carolyn | The Organic Gypsy

Toxic relationships are a big one! The abused becomes the abuser. It is hard to see what is going on, once you are in that relationship. As you always feel if you can just love harder, you an heal him. But I learnt, it doesn’t work that way. Good post. Thank you.

Tee

What a great post! I totally agree that you find yourself working hard to make them feel better and sometimes you can justify the actions when you shouldn’t have to. It’s vital when to know if the behaviour is not getting better and when to move on.

Sarah

Such an important post. I think sometimes the hardest thing is to determine whether it’s a toxic relationship, or character flaws that everyone has. If you’re being physically abused it’s easy to see. But words can be more confusing.

thoughtsofawomanrevealed

Thank you so much. Your right words are more confusing because it have you completely lost like it’s you but clearly it’s not.

Lima

Wow, just wow! Thank you sharing your story. Toxic relationships, gah, unfortunately there are some rotten people out there that are just not considerate at all. Another thing they do is manipulate to the point where you feel you are being unreasonable.

Bin ’em while you can!

thoughtsofawomanrevealed

Thank you so much and I definitely agree they will try and manipulate you having you think your doing everything wrong when you know in your heart you aren’t!

thoughtsofawomanrevealed

I couldn’t agree more. I guess it’s tru what they say you have to go through the bad to get to the good. Thank you so much for sharing!

Claire

Toxic relationships are one of the most negative things – you shouldn’t continue. It affects you badly and I totally feel you in some ways in your story. I also think with friendships this could happen in many ways.

Ashley

I can`t agree more of how important it is to leave a toxic relationship. A person should never feel like they are constantly walking on egg shells just to satisfy another, be true to yourself. I have been there, and I had so much love for this person it took me a while to walk away. Yes people can change, and I am not one to say that the person who had once been toxic for you could be different over time. Just knowing that self respect for your body, mind, and soul is ultimately up to you can help you make the right choices or decisions. Reading this not only was upsetting to think about those who cant seem to let go but also happy that you were able to, spreading awareness can help others. Some just need more strength. Thanks for sharing yours!

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