There are so many days that I sit and think about the past 10 years of my life. I have never had that one true love that could stand against all adversity. I think that most others do right after the point of having disappointments. What I mean by that is I gave up on the thought of love and start focusing on me. I realized that just maybe that is whats been missing and I have to fully understand what I want before I can let another in. Now that statement may sound easy but trust me it’s deeper than how I wrote it! What I mean is after doing some evaluations in my life to try to figure this thing out I realized something. I must say when I realized it I was completely astound.
What I found out was that its not about the things that happened or caused the ending of my past relationships it actually was about the start of those relationships. When people say why are you single, we all begin to rave about what the other person did in the relationship only because as humans we aren’t perfect . When someone ask me that now oh I have the correct response (haha). I say to them I’m single because like most I am guilty of knowing damn well people from my past was not a good match for me because of the red flags I peeped right from the beginning and choose to ignore them. I guess I just feel like people deserve chances and I have a bad habit of thinking everyone’s heart is the same as mine which I have quickly realized its not!
When I first meet a guy I try my best to get to know all about them. I want to understand where his mind is at and what I want from the relationship as time passes. I always make it clear as to who I am as a person and what it is that I’m looking for. Often times I say upfront I’m looking for long term if you are not with that then just maybe friendship will be better. I’ve always dated with a purpose. I don’t date a guy just to be doing it because I don’t have the time to do that. So here comes the fun part after we establish all those things such as like, dislikes, goals, etc. I get excited and ready to see where the relationship will go but boy am I in for a rude awakening.
A few weeks after or maybe even a month or so after the oh so good “talking stage” has come to an end and the person realize that you care for them, that’s when all hell breaks loose. You begin to see the “dark side” of that person. This is the part that has me rolling laughing. I’m laughing because I already peeped it yet I ignored it! There are always signs that are there but you all know how good the talking stage is which cause us to overlook things. I use to blame myself but then realized as years has pass that when you know better you do better and I promise you one thing I’ve learned to be more selective. This whole time I had been wondering why I can’t have a love that will last me a life time or at least get close to it.
Now I know that I’ve understood that its not them it was me and my choice in men that caused me so many issues I feel like I will be ready to fully love and find my forever one day (haha). I’m just enjoying life and I know I will know when the right one comes along because I’ve had the wrong ones. I will be more selective in my choosing and when I see something is not right I will refuse to linger it on. Good women as I always say are the ones that are taken advantage of the most but mostly because we allow it. We have to be more firm in our expectations, wants and needs. We have to stop settling for just anything just because our heart is good and we seem to think every man we meet will live up to what we know we provide in the relationship. Its OK to think of others but lets stop forgetting about ourselves! Check out this post here and you will see how all of this comes together after the fact.