Why so many lies?

The simple things…

I know that for me and a lot of others respect goes a long way.  But the question is how do you say you respect someone when you tell them lies constantly?  I don’t know about others but in my opinion when you are in a relationship and you are building a bond and strong foundation for the relationship it should be a very simple process  to the tell the truth.  A lot of things are easier said than done but I won’t compromise with this one only because it’s to simple to do.  Just imagine not having to tell a million lies to cover up just one lie!

Understanding…

I want to completely make it clear that no man nor woman will be perfect!  I want you to also understand that if you are looking for the perfect man or woman you should just stay single FOREVER!  I know that may sound harsh but trust me its real and it came from a very sincere place.  When your decide to lie to your partner about something that you already know may jeopardize the relationship that means you made a calculated decision to do so and that’s selfish.  Just because you may think your partner will flip out or leave the relationship is just your thoughts but what if just maybe you tell them the truth and although they are furious they begin to respect you more for telling them the truth?

I just can’t hurt the one I love…

So after some thought you have chosen to continue with your lies because of selfishness which in your mind you think you are protecting your partner’s feelings.   My question is and I know your partner’s question is as well deep down were you really looking out for them or are you are just looking out for yourself?  Let me help you understand something, this is deep this isn’t the small lie that you have told in order to throw a surprise for her that she would love that you know she has been wanting.  This lie will last in her mind for a possible lifetime because as a woman I can speak for us and let you know upfront we forget nothing! Something to remember is you are only hurting the person more by not giving them an option of how to handle how they feel.  You are not trusting in the fact that they are capable of making the best decisions for themselves which in turns hurt them more.

Let’s fix this…

So lets just look at another option which is the BEST option! Let’s say you decide to tell the truth and your partner is mad but says “I know how hard it was for you to tell me the truth but I appreciate that you respected me enough to tell me and although I’m mad lets talk about how to fix this”.  Now I have to tell you that you may not get the response in those exact words and not at the exact moment that you tell the truth but you will get a better response than if you lied!  We all have to learn to trust in our partners and know that if the bond is strong don’t throw it away for momentarily people or things that try to come between the two of you.  Always work on having a healthy, loving, and trusting relationship. Don’t allow no one to ruin what you have and that includes yourself as well!  Lies will ruin a relationship so just be honest and trust in the fact that you and your partner have a bond that shouldn’t be destroyed by selfish lies! Please also read this 

Why so many lies?

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Can I trust you?

The nagging woman

Now I know this isn’t something women like to be referred to as but the hard truth of it is that men refer to women this way more than you know.  When a woman have an “ATTITUDE” instead of thinking about why she has that attitude or why her mood is thrown off  men just say the famous line “man you always got an attitude about something”.  Now granted there are some women who may just be mad ahaha but in most cases there is a problem!  Many men just like majority of women will assume instead of asking what’s wrong.  In my opinion a nagging woman is a woman who has some things that she need to get off her chest, trust issues or just some things that should have been expressed probably before now but it has been held in for various reasons.

Communicate

I never understood why it’s hard for either person in the relationship to say let’s sit down and talk I want to know what’s wrong?  I want to know what’s on your mind? Those simple questions can make a world of difference in a relationship.  Most women think of trust as the main component in a relationship and if you don’t have that then you have nothing.  You have to trust in your partner enough to communicate the hardest things at times but it has to be done if you want a lasting relationship.  Instead of just assuming she has an attitude ask about it because 10 times out of 20 its going to be a deep situation.  Always remember as well what may not be deep to you may be deep to her so you have to communicate and understanding she isn’t just nagging because it’s something to do.  Communication is just as important as trust because they both go hand in hand with each other.

Guessing games

When a woman starts to suspect something is wrong and it’s not being addressed, in her mind she begins to wonder and assume.  Oh I know some men are rattled up right now at just the thought of reading this with the word ASSUME in it because men hate that ladies.  The reality of it is that if a woman is trying to communicate and the man is not communicating back in a proper manner that woman will assume! In all fairness what else is she to do if your holding back and just thinking of her as a woman nagging you?  No man nor woman should have to be play guessing games as to what is going on in the relationship.  When the games start the relationship ends simple as that.

What have you done?

If you know that you have a track record of lies longer than a trip to another planet please understand that will always be in the back of her mind.  If you have a history of not being faithful and loyal to her please understand that most certainly will always be in her mind especially when you are leaving her guessing and assuming because you are not communicating efficiently.  All because I am a fair person I have to say that ladies if you have agreed to forgive this man for his wrong doings and stated that you are moving forward with the relationship, that means you can’t keep bringing it back up, however ladies I encourage you to never forget though!  When you are rebuilding trust with someone it takes work.  It will not be easy to get to a point were you fully and completely trust that person who did wrong by you.

Moving forward

A woman wants to be loved, give love and wants to feel love.  There is no woman on earth who wants to be in a relationship with a man who is not honest with her, loyal to her, affectionate with her, and completely faithful to her.  Ladies you know the drill though we have to provide those things too as well.  A woman will treat a man like the king he should be once she completely trust in him and believe in him and the relationship.  A woman that nags you is a woman who need to be reassured of the relationship because somewhere along the way between the ups and downs things got lost along the way.  You have to trust one another and I promise you will have a lot less problems when the trust is there.  It will make the relationship so much simpler and guys you would be surprised at the lengths that woman will go to for a man that they fully trust!  Be mindful of each others feelings and stay connected.  Bonds are built with the intentions of them lasting so think really hard before breaking them!!  Read this here for more on this topic.

can I trust you

 

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Incapable of giving love

What is he afraid of?

Ladies have you ever been in a relationship with a man who always seem like he is suffering inside and he tends to go above and beyond to make everything your fault?  Have you found yourself  trying to figure out is it you even when you know in your mind and heart it’s not?  I know this won’t be too hard to believe because we see it all the time but we never understand it until we have been through it.  If the man you are with is incapable of giving love to you then please understand it’s not you!  You will never be able to control what another human puts out into the universe or the energy that they give off to others.   What that man is afraid of you may never know but it’s not fair to suffer at the expense of sparing his feelings of truths that he needs to hear.

That old saying….

You all know how the old saying goes, if you can’t have peace in your own home where can you have it at?  I can answer that for you with no problem and that’s NO WHERE!  I don’t know about anyone else but there has to be peace where I lay my head at all times day and night.  If you are incapable of giving love then you shouldn’t bother with those that are!  I know that was very simply said but trust me it’s power in that simple saying.  In my opinion the men that are hurt and struggling within knew they where dealing with that struggle before they met you.  The reason why I choose to believe this is because if all the things he tells you that happened to him in his past and he moves on quickly and does the exact same thing to you if not worse than he knew he was carrying that around inside already.  It’s just a matter of time before he let it out.

The trying process…

Mostly all of us have been in situations in which we know the relationship is going down hill but you try so hard only because you can see the potential in the relationship although you don’t actually feel it deep down.  The reason most of us do that is because naturally there is always a sense of hope that things will get better and that person you are with will see the damage they are causing.  The million dollar question one may want to know is do they really ever realize it while it’s happening?  I guess this may be debatable for some but not for me I stand on the fact that they know exactly what they are doing. This is especially true when the person they are with is telling them over and over and the tears have been flowing for years and I assure you it’s not tears of joy.

The dreaded I can do better speech…

To further prove my thoughts on this think back or think to the many moments he says “baby I know I been messing up but just give me one more chance and I will change.”  So as smart as we are ladies, we give him that chance and a hemp more of others too.  I want you to know I tried so hard to not laugh as I typed that but ladies you know how we do sometimes!  We have to learn to just accept men as they are and not expect a change especially when they are really ready.  No matter how many times the word sorry is thrown around, if his mind isn’t set in stone that he will do better and he proves it with his actions then the hard truth of it is he won’t.  I do want to say there is nothing wrong with giving chances because no one is perfect however when enough is enough then its enough! You can read more on that topic here.

Please understand this…

Ladies stop blaming yourself because you feel for a man who was incapable of giving love to you.  I know that you have heard this before but the heart wants what the heart wants but be careful and remember your mind is still to be used too.  That hold you feel that man has on him is bigger than you and more than likely started way before you so don’t allow the dishonesty, unfaithfulness, insecurities, lack of communication etc. to consume you and make you feel like you are to blame.  Never fall down into the evil plot of others.  Remember that love is to be given freely not to be forced upon an individual who is incapable of giving love back as you deserve.

incapable of giving love

 

 

 

 

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