I found a good woman but….

Building relationships takes two people!

How do you expect what you are not giving? Building relationships is hard but you have to put in the work.  A man can have the highest expectations ever of his woman, yet he ain’t worth the time and energy she spends trying to fix the relationship. It’s a well-known fact that men can recognize when they have a good woman however they just ain’t in the right mindset to keep her. Something I’ve observed a lot is men saying how they want a really good, loyal, faithful, honest, completely trustworthy woman who also cooks, clean and also provide good sex however and whenever he wants it! It’s not that I even think that’s too much to ask for it’s just that these men aren’t willing to do the same!

I am a firm believer that what you want to receive you have to be willing to give as well. I never quite understood why men say they recognize when a woman deserves the title of wife one day, yet he treats her like she has no value! The worst of the worst is the men that says “she’s a really good woman but I ain’t ready for all of that right now” but still be very persistent in getting that woman. Sometimes I think it’s an ego thing. That man ain’t ready, but he knows there are men out there that are, so he wants to keep her on stand by away from the next male just to say he got her. My first thought when I see this happening is why are you pursuing this woman when you know what she is about and you are not ready for it so why mess with it? Men you have to understand that playing around with a woman who is established, knows what she wants, ready to treat her man like a king, you just don’t play around with something like that.

When that woman is being consistent, loyal, honest, faithful, keeps herself up, takes care of home, all the while got you feeling like the king that you are not to her you should feel ashamed. There are real men looking for this woman so take your place in the back and sit down, so she can notice her king standing up awaiting her arrival!  There is nothing attractive about a man not recognizing his woman worth.  A good woman is priceless! Men have to start taking good women more serious because just like everyone say a good man is hard to come by, its the same way for women.  Ladies stop letting men put you on reserve!  If that man is not focused on you and do only enough to keep you around please understand you are worth more and you deserve to be building relationships with people who appreciate you.  For more inspiration ladies check out this post here.

I found a good woman

Why am I taking you serious?

We quickly forget the elements of a serious relationship

Have you ever gave someone your all but all that your getting is inconsistency and a wondering mind but they say your in a serious relationship?  Do you ever find yourself wondering why am I taking this person serious while they are wasting my time?  I know that it may seem cliche to ask but have you ever stopped to ask yourself why are you giving your all to an inconsistent person? Although the inconsistency is a problem, it’s not solely that person’s problem. I say that because if you are allowing the inconsistency and you are still hanging on to something that isn’t there then it makes it partially your fault too! A person will only do what you allow them to do to you!

At some point regardless of talking stage or actually in a relationship you have to speak up voice your feelings and ask if it can be fixed because that’s called communication which is essential for any serious relationship. If that person is not trying to fix it and you know it then you are showing them it’s OK to treat you the way that they are! There is nothing that is going to change a person other than if it’s something they really want to do. Believe it or not sometimes you have to love or like a person from a distance. You can’t always stay in situations because of how strongly you feel or how you believe things will change. Rule of thumb for me is people are consistent with what they really want and what they don’t want to live without. So when you are thinking and your mind is wondering how does he feel about me or how does she feel about me just know if the person hasn’t or won’t tell you then just watch their actions towards you. You shouldn’t have to think about the consistency of a person because they will be so consistent it won’t give you the opportunity to do so!

If a person can’t be consistent with you and have your mind wondering then love yourself enough to say this isn’t fair to me and begin to evaluate your next move regardless of what it is just don’t give your all to someone who is inconsistent and have your mind wondering you don’t deserve that!  Always remember we are no longer kids you have to hold a person responsible for their actions and they have to be willing to accept responsibility for their actions.  As a reminder please know that no consistency no relationship because your significant other will begin to loose interest more sooner than later.  Check out this post here to discuss this further.

building relationships takes time and effort

Life hates me??

Why does it seem life hates me? Why do I feel it’s so hard to survive in this world? Why do I feel like nothing ever goes right for me? I know at some point we all may have asked ourselves these questions. The truth is life doesn’t hate you and although you may have some difficult situations that arise in your life it doesn’t mean that nothing will go right for you! You have to love yourself enough to know that whatever you want in life you can have. The requirement is that you will have to move in ways that will improve your life and well-being. Something I’ve learned in life that has always stuck out to me is that you have to make your own way, create your own happiness and not give that responsibility to someone or something else. You have to put positivity into the universe. Always go after what you want don’t be afraid. The only person that holds you back is you. We all have the same 24 hours in a day but what you choose to do with yours is up to you. There is no one that can stop you but you! This applies to your relationships, your job, your family etc. We all need to understand that we are not perfect and no one should require you to be but always recognize your value and worth. If you need different results in your relationship work on it, if you need a better job then work on it. If you want anything better out of life go for it! Life is what u make it! Do what you can while you are here and don’t expect perfection but each day that you are here give it your all be the best you can be! Always remember life doesn’t hate you, and things may not always go as planned but that doesn’t mean nothing will ever go right for you either!

Don’t be fooled!

Have you ever met someone and become so anxious to know everything you can about them? Every chance that you get are you asking them about their life, what they enjoy, and just who they are as a person? I know we all have done this time and time again while going through the “talking stage,” better yet the “dreadful”stage some may refer to it as. The talking stage is a time for both people to interact and get to know each other but the complications come into play when one is trying more than the other. The truth is no one like to waste their time but you will run into some people who will do just that! They will waste your time just to have someone to talk to when they are bored or when the person they really want to talk to isn’t available! The talking stage is supposed to fun and exciting yet it can quickly turn into the dreadful stage if you don’t pay attention. Sometimes you can get so caught up in the excitement of something new that you don’t even see that the other person is not putting in the effort you are. What this means is that if your the one always asking the questions, making all the plans to get some time in with them, doing all the calling with no answer but get a text once or twice a day or even less than that please understand that person is not that into you as you are them. I’ve always believed and will always believe people make time and put effort into what they want to and there’s no other way around saying that. If a person is busy with work, family, etc then so be it but I promise you they will still find a way to be consistent in communicating with you. They may not be able to drop everything for you in the spare of a moment, but they will make their interest be known to you! A really good example of this is if your in the talking stage with someone, and they say “oh I didn’t get a chance to call or send a text the last couple of days because I been busy,” I begin to think of scenarios like so what you are telling me is if we were in a relationship and your “busy” then I won’t hear from you for days at a time until your ready to have a conversation with me? Another scenario I would play out in my mind is if this man or woman have kids when they are “busy” do they choose to go days at a time without checking on them too? Of course, we all get busy from time to time with things in our lives but it’s no such thing as being so busy you can’t communicate at all! I refuse to believe it! What I do believe is what I stated earlier people definitely make time for who and what they want to make time for so please always keep that in mind when you are calling, asking questions, texting making plans with no response!

Agree to Disagree??

No relationship will be misunderstanding free or disagreement free! When two people come together you have to understand there are and will be some differences in opinions! It’s more so about how you are going to get pass those hard times. When you disagree with your partner it doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t care about what you are saying it simply means they think of the situation different so at that point the choice is to either compromise or agree to disagree respectfully. Ladies you know how we as women can sometimes be a little hard on the men that comes into our lives especially if they are just as strong-minded as we can be! With that being said it makes me have to mention, when we are having these misunderstandings and disagreements with our partners it’s real important to not only talk it out but also when the conversation is over remember it’s over, and we can’t keep bringing it back up over and over when the issue has been resolved because that’s not healthy. So as long as there is healthy communication when situations and problems come about you will be just fine! What I mean by that is if your partner is willing to sit down and discuss with you a situation that they disagree with you on but is willing to meet you half-way on it or even agree to disagree that’s a person who cares! If your partner is fussing, yelling, not listening, walking out and throwing a tantrum that’s not healthy by no means, so I say that to say this understand that there are going to be misunderstandings and disagreements but it’s solely up to you and your partner to communicate, listen and understand each other and know that’s normal if done in the correct manner!

Rarity

Have you ever noticed that you can be completely down for someone, know for a fact your intentions are good and prove it with your actions but you feel that person can’t see it? We have all been there before or going through it now because it’s so common! The first thought a person has when this happens is “what am I doing wrong?” To answer that question I’d say it’s nothing you’re doing wrong it’s about what you’re doing right! You are so rare that when you are doing the right things it’s going to take a certain type of man or woman to see you for you and what your intentions are. Let’s face it most people are so use to being mistreated that they don’t understand it fully or recognize when something different comes along! It’s nothing that you can do to make them see you for you and your not primarily responsible for that either. It’s up to that person you’re interacting with to understand that you are brand new, you are not responsible for their past. All that you are responsible for is doing right by them or letting them be if they can’t see the value in you! Never jeopardize your worth because the next refuse to receive what you’re trying to give. Remember it’s not what you’re doing wrong so don’t beat yourself up about it! You’re doing what your suppose to do and when the right person come along no matter their past they are going to see the rare breed that you are!

It won’t always be easy!

I have to say Life gets tough at times and as humans our first reaction is to worry. We tend to get so stressed out we can’t really focus on the fact that this is the time to increase the faith in knowing regardless there is a higher power, something bigger than you and me! I have always believed that when the troubles come it’s for a reason! You may not can understand the reason for certain situations at that very moment but remember tests become testimonies! Please understand that if your still alive that in itself shows you have made it through whatever has been thrown at you. It sometimes seems you get pass one thing and something else comes up but guess what, that too shall pass! Don’t let the ways of the world and situations determine your reactions! When things go wrong as they definitely will sometimes make the decision to say “alright this is what it is and I’m going to keep pushing through” instead of worrying causing myself more problems because all that worrying does is cloud your judgment and you can’t focus on a solution! I know that not worrying is easier said than done but you have to put it in your mind that it’s your choice to make! You are responsible for choosing to worry and stress or breathe and handle situations as good as you can. There will be some situations that may be beyond your control and that is fine you just keep pushing through but understand what you can control always make the best of it! If you sit around and stress think to yourself “what is this really accomplishing?” Worrying interfere with your thinking and the way you react so remember never allow your situations to determine your reactions!

I’ve got questions!

Why is it OK to lie to me? Why is it OK to treat me like I’m beneath you? Why is it OK for you to tell me I’m too independent? Why is it OK for you to do to me what you swear I better not ever do to you? Why do you say you love me but you don’t show it? Why do you tell me your always going to be there for me but your never there? Why do you say you couldn’t live without me but yet you are doing things that put you at risk for losing me? Ladies I know we all have asked at least one if not all the questions above to the man that’s in your life. The real question that’s not listed is why do we accept and allow the actions that create these questions in our head? Ladies we have to stay focused on our worth! We shouldn’t have to ask these questions. We shouldn’t have to give our all to someone that feels it’s not enough. Ladies you have to learn that a real man will value you and recognize the worth of a woman! These questions are for grown boys in which you have no business with because he doesn’t see you! He don’t see nothing other than what he can get out of the situation. He may love what you can do for him and what he can get out of you but he doesn’t really see you for what your worth! Real men will see you he will never do anything to jeopardize being with you because it won’t be a risk he is willing to take! A real man will love on you not just by talking but with his actions! A real man will not and I repeat not have you asking the above questions! Ladies there is a difference between a grown boy and a man! Ladies understand the questions you have for a real man will be asked with a smile, have you feeling like your the only woman in the world, have you with a feeling of you can’t get enough of him, have you even more motivated than you already are, and although you as a woman already know this he still will enforce it even more that you can do and be anything you put your mind too! He will have you so secure in the relationship there won’t have to be questions about where his heart and mind is because his actions will line up with what he is telling you! Ladies if you’re going to ask questions let them not have to be the questions above!

Being valued vs tolerated

Ladies I know how hard we love when we love and I know what we are capable of when we truly love a man. We are nurturing human beings and it’s natural to want to give your all to the one whom you think love you. The problem with that is who we are giving all of that love too. Ladies as women we have to start thinking and focusing on figuring out does this man really value me or is he just tolerating me because I have something to offer him or something that he may even want under different circumstances. As sad as it is to say ladies, when you have a good heart it doesn’t mean this man is going to automatically value you. You are a queen you have to understand there are some who take advantage of the ones with good hearts only because some see it as a sign of weakness! Ladies I know and you know that because you have a good heart it doesn’t make you weak but in the eyes of an opportunist that’s all they see is weakness! All that I’m saying is know who you are, be confident in knowing you are worth so much more! If this man has shown you with his actions that clearly he is tolerating you my recommendation is to listen! Ladies think about your situations think about them clearly don’t be a victim of an opportunist, show that man he has to value you by stop accepting only being tolerated!

The presentation!

Ladies we are what we present to these men. A lot of women lose sight of the fact that when a man first meet a woman he decides in his mind what it is that he will do with this woman. Men are going to treat you the way you present yourself to him. Although as women we like to think that men are completely brainless (which is not true by any means) but the truth is that man is paying attention to how you carry yourself. I do want to say as a disclaimer that it doesn’t mean that if you present well that he is going to be perfect! In this case I’m referring to how you carry yourself he definitely will peep out the vibe and what your about quickly. If you’re expecting this man to respect you then right off gate you have to present yourself in a manner in which he knows that and can take you serious enough to know what he can and can’t do to you. If you’re presenting yourself as that “hey nice to meet you, you so fine let’s get a room” or anything remotely close to that then don’t expect more from him. It’s never anything wrong with how each individual woman choose to present herself but I have to bring it to your attention as a woman to let you know don’t expect more than your showing him you are worth sis!