Have you ever noticed that you can be completely down for someone, know for a fact your intentions are good and prove it with your actions but you feel that person can’t see it? We have all been there before or going through it now because it’s so common! The first thought a person has when this happens is “what am I doing wrong?” To answer that question I’d say it’s nothing you’re doing wrong it’s about what you’re doing right! You are so rare that when you are doing the right things it’s going to take a certain type of man or woman to see you for you and what your intentions are. Let’s face it most people are so use to being mistreated that they don’t understand it fully or recognize when something different comes along! It’s nothing that you can do to make them see you for you and your not primarily responsible for that either. It’s up to that person you’re interacting with to understand that you are brand new, you are not responsible for their past. All that you are responsible for is doing right by them or letting them be if they can’t see the value in you! Never jeopardize your worth because the next refuse to receive what you’re trying to give. Remember it’s not what you’re doing wrong so don’t beat yourself up about it! You’re doing what your suppose to do and when the right person come along no matter their past they are going to see the rare breed that you are!

It won’t always be easy!

I have to say Life gets tough at times and as humans our first reaction is to worry. We tend to get so stressed out we can’t really focus on the fact that this is the time to increase the faith in knowing regardless there is a higher power, something bigger than you and me! I have always believed that when the troubles come it’s for a reason! You may not can understand the reason for certain situations at that very moment but remember tests become testimonies! Please understand that if your still alive that in itself shows you have made it through whatever has been thrown at you. It sometimes seems you get pass one thing and something else comes up but guess what, that too shall pass! Don’t let the ways of the world and situations determine your reactions! When things go wrong as they definitely will sometimes make the decision to say “alright this is what it is and I’m going to keep pushing through” instead of worrying causing myself more problems because all that worrying does is cloud your judgment and you can’t focus on a solution! I know that not worrying is easier said than done but you have to put it in your mind that it’s your choice to make! You are responsible for choosing to worry and stress or breathe and handle situations as good as you can. There will be some situations that may be beyond your control and that is fine you just keep pushing through but understand what you can control always make the best of it! If you sit around and stress think to yourself “what is this really accomplishing?” Worrying interfere with your thinking and the way you react so remember never allow your situations to determine your reactions!

I’ve got questions!

Why is it OK to lie to me? Why is it OK to treat me like I’m beneath you? Why is it OK for you to tell me I’m too independent? Why is it OK for you to do to me what you swear I better not ever do to you? Why do you say you love me but you don’t show it? Why do you tell me your always going to be there for me but your never there? Why do you say you couldn’t live without me but yet you are doing things that put you at risk for losing me? Ladies I know we all have asked at least one if not all the questions above to the man that’s in your life. The real question that’s not listed is why do we accept and allow the actions that create these questions in our head? Ladies we have to stay focused on our worth! We shouldn’t have to ask these questions. We shouldn’t have to give our all to someone that feels it’s not enough. Ladies you have to learn that a real man will value you and recognize the worth of a woman! These questions are for grown boys in which you have no business with because he doesn’t see you! He don’t see nothing other than what he can get out of the situation. He may love what you can do for him and what he can get out of you but he doesn’t really see you for what your worth! Real men will see you he will never do anything to jeopardize being with you because it won’t be a risk he is willing to take! A real man will love on you not just by talking but with his actions! A real man will not and I repeat not have you asking the above questions! Ladies there is a difference between a grown boy and a man! Ladies understand the questions you have for a real man will be asked with a smile, have you feeling like your the only woman in the world, have you with a feeling of you can’t get enough of him, have you even more motivated than you already are, and although you as a woman already know this he still will enforce it even more that you can do and be anything you put your mind too! He will have you so secure in the relationship there won’t have to be questions about where his heart and mind is because his actions will line up with what he is telling you! Ladies if you’re going to ask questions let them not have to be the questions above!

Being valued vs tolerated

Ladies I know how hard we love when we love and I know what we are capable of when we truly love a man. We are nurturing human beings and it’s natural to want to give your all to the one whom you think love you. The problem with that is who we are giving all of that love too. Ladies as women we have to start thinking and focusing on figuring out does this man really value me or is he just tolerating me because I have something to offer him or something that he may even want under different circumstances. As sad as it is to say ladies, when you have a good heart it doesn’t mean this man is going to automatically value you. You are a queen you have to understand there are some who take advantage of the ones with good hearts only because some see it as a sign of weakness! Ladies I know and you know that because you have a good heart it doesn’t make you weak but in the eyes of an opportunist that’s all they see is weakness! All that I’m saying is know who you are, be confident in knowing you are worth so much more! If this man has shown you with his actions that clearly he is tolerating you my recommendation is to listen! Ladies think about your situations think about them clearly don’t be a victim of an opportunist, show that man he has to value you by stop accepting only being tolerated!

The presentation!

Ladies we are what we present to these men. A lot of women lose sight of the fact that when a man first meet a woman he decides in his mind what it is that he will do with this woman. Men are going to treat you the way you present yourself to him. Although as women we like to think that men are completely brainless (which is not true by any means) but the truth is that man is paying attention to how you carry yourself. I do want to say as a disclaimer that it doesn’t mean that if you present well that he is going to be perfect! In this case I’m referring to how you carry yourself he definitely will peep out the vibe and what your about quickly. If you’re expecting this man to respect you then right off gate you have to present yourself in a manner in which he knows that and can take you serious enough to know what he can and can’t do to you. If you’re presenting yourself as that “hey nice to meet you, you so fine let’s get a room” or anything remotely close to that then don’t expect more from him. It’s never anything wrong with how each individual woman choose to present herself but I have to bring it to your attention as a woman to let you know don’t expect more than your showing him you are worth sis!

Proceed with caution

Ladies why is it that when a man shows us exactly who he is we always try to prove him wrong? Ladies no matter if its in the beginning of the relationship or as time progress there will be red flags but because you are so into him you ignore them all! We have all been in this exact situation were we think that we can change a man when the truth is WE CAN’T! A man only changes when he is ready to change! I don’t care how upset you get, I don’t care if you scream to the top of your lungs, this man is not going to do what you think he should do as a man until he is ready! There are guys out here that want to be a different man but the harsh reality of it is that it may not be with you. To elaborate a little what that means is that the saying you hear from time to time, “right person wrong time” is a true statement. You can see all the potential in this man and put in your mind how good you two could be if this was a different time in which he has himself together internally. People have issues that come from within themselves and if that isn’t fixed you can very well meet the right person but at the wrong time because their not ready for the work it takes to build a strong healthy relationship. When you meet someone that you see potential in but yet they clearly have underlying issues, you have two options, either you’re going to deal with all the heartache and many headaches they will bring while getting themselves together or you will let them go to heal themselves and realize you can’t fix people until they are ready to be fixed! The hard truth of this all is that as women we mostly choose option one if we have started to love or care for the person we are with. Many of you may ask well why do we likely choose option one? The reason we make this decision is that we ignored all the red flags in the beginning that this man was damaged because we thought to ourselves oh I can make this right I can fix him! The truth is that man already showed you who he was in the first place but you still stuck around because you only focused on the potential you saw in him. Ladies remember you have to proceed with caution when dealing with a broken and lost man because it’s no way you’re going to fix him he has to be ready to fix himself!

Oh you thought I was a door mat??

People come and people go the one thing you don’t ever do is let a person run all over you regardless! Abuse comes in many forms it ain’t always physically! When you know that you are doing all that you can for a person yet that person is trying there hardest to make you feel you are the lowest of the lowest it’s time to let go!! I know that often times we hold on because we love that person and think to ourselves one day they are going to get it all together and everything will be OK. The hard truth of this is that it’s not going to be OK until that person sees a problem with their actions and while they are figuring it out they shouldn’t have you around except maybe as a friend nothing more! I say that because that person needs some time to heal from whatever demons are within them that would make them think it’s OK to emotionally bring a person to their knees and don’t even see that they are doing it. Let me clarify that maybe they know they are doing but have no idea how to stop it because they are lost and have no control. Although you can meet a person, love a person and be there sometimes that’s not enough, sometimes that person is searching for something way above what you can give them, and they will continue to self-destruct until they realize they have issues that are deeper than that relationship that they are carrying on with you. When you come across a person that you know your giving your all too and that’s not enough for them and you feel like the door mat that’s been walked on all day after a bad stormy weather it’s time to let go!! I do believe that person can love you and care for you but what’s going on inside of them is something you can’t fix and you need to understand the saying love a person from a distance is definitely true it has to be done sometimes so that that person can recognize their actions and not to mention you can start to understand you shouldn’t be accepting of a person treating you like your nothing when clearly you are something and somebody even if it’s not to them! Never allow yourself to be a door mat in a toxic situation even if you know that person has potential to be better just allow them time to do that, but they just can’t be in your life while they are doing it!

Don’t try to take my power!!

Have you ever noticed the most the simplest things can be overlooked? People can come into your life and tell you the oh so wonderful intentions they have for you with the relationship or friendship but still manage to end up taking the power you have over making your own choices! You have to be real careful with what someone says because they truly can be telling you one thing but doing another. I’ve always believed in the fact that if you know what your wanting is totally opposite from the other person you should give them options. Don’t ever be as cruel as to play along and take away the power of saying “yes I’ll be cool” with that or “no that ain’t for me!” There are women and men who are guilty of this! It’s very simple to just address what’s really about to happen in the relationship even if the intentions are good in the beginning and change later still never take the power of choice away from anyone! Ladies and fellows be honest with the ones you care about. If you know your not ready for what they are asking you for or have made known that they are expecting just be upfront because remember you would want them to do the same for you!

You complete me!

Do you ever sit down and think about how your life would change for the better with the right person by your side? The one thing I always hear people say is that they need their significant other to complete them but the truth of it is you should be completed before you find your significant other. I do believe that two people who are meant to be are meant to be because they both found each other already completed! Two halves make a whole but when you’re coming into someone life only half together you really can’t give your all because your busy still working on you and getting yourself together! Does it really make sense to have someone give you their all, love you to the moon and back yet your up and can’t sleep at night because your busy thinking about how to get your life together? Being single is a time for healing and growing for yourself basically getting prepared for the person who will enter your life at your best. I believe when your at your best you choose the best! There are a lot of times we choose partners based upon the right now “us” not even considering the fact our judgment is cloudy. The truth is if we are focused on getting better instead of looking for someone to complete us, we will be able to be better in relationships with others. When your not fully together we tend to allow unnecessary drama, chaos, and accept things we normally wouldn’t accept if we were a better us! I know I have had this problem before and realized it bought me so much headache, and they say when you know better you do better and that is something I’m working on. Feel free to share your thoughts!

The heart is not to be solely used!

Many times we sit, and we think about things so much until we think ourselves out of the truth. For me I have always believed that the heart is not as trust worthy as the mind. Have you ever just knew something wasn’t right but because you love someone you choose to ignore what your mind is telling you only for it to keep nagging at your soul? Have you ever drifted off in the middle of doing something and your mind is just going nonstop? If the answer is yes to either of those then just know there is something within you should deal with. Its so many situations this applies to but one in particular is relationships with your significant other. Some people want to be loved so much that their partner could be extremely wrong for them, yet they dismiss the thoughts because the heart cant let go of what the mind is saying this won’t work. Often times you can find yourself searching that person for what you want to be there other than what is actually there all because you love them. We all have to remember it’s not what that person says or even their actions because there are a lot of people who say they feel a certain way and their actions may even show it at times but remember there are men and women who display certain actions to get what they want luckily for us the mind always knows when its fraudulent! The heart is a place for love and because everyone wants to be loved that’s what we use the most in relationships but the mind is a little more difficult to read, so we try to block it out but ladies we can’t we just can’t! When you use your heart and not the mind it can lead you to know something isn’t right but you stay because your heart is so full of love for someone who isn’t meant for you! I would love your thoughts on this, lets figure this out together!