What did I do to you?
I felt very compelled to write about this because I see it happen all the time and I too have experienced being in toxic relationships. In the beginning of the relationship everything seems fine and you are enjoying each other. A lot of the problems that will arise later in the relationship you probably wouldn’t have even seen it coming. I know there is always a phase that new relationships go through called the “lubby dubby” stage but what happens after that stage is what has me like wow! This particular stage reminds me of another post I’ve written and you can check it out here.
I met a guy a few years back and I promise you the treatment I got from him I definitely didn’t expect it nor saw it coming. The rage he had in him was beyond anything I had seen before. I felt so emotionally drained. He had a lot of issues going on in his life way beyond my control and his as well. Lets just say the choices he made earlier in life affected his future in ways he didn’t think it would while he was growing up and coming into himself as a man. In situations like this you find yourself trying to motivate, inspire and just be there as a good woman should for the man that she is with. You also begin to feel terrible that you can’t make all of his issues fade away. When you begin to feel that way you then start throwing his behavior towards you “under the rug”.
When a man is stressed as we all get sometimes there is still a certain way to handle it. Never should one say oh he is stressed and that’s why he is constantly yelling, fussing, being negative, and acting as if you’re the problem when in reality deep down you both know what the problem is and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Toxic relationships happen all the time but the fact that you don’t know when to let them go is when it becomes a major problem. Lucky for me I knew what was acceptable and what wasn’t so when it was time to let go, I did just that! I’ve learned over the years that you can try to motivate, encourage and inspire someone all you want but until they are ready to face their issues head on, there is nothing you can do or say that will help them. The one thing that you can do is love yourself enough to say “hey I understand you are going through a lot and its nothing that can make it better but there is still a level of respect that you will have to have for me in order for me to continue to be here for you. These kind of relationships can break you down mentally and have you emotionally drained if you let it. I say that to say this if you’re in a toxic relationship and it can’t be worked though then go do whats best for you because it’s not fair to you that the person your with is taking out his or her problems on you. When you’re in a relationship you are supposed to be that person’s peace not there making them feel like an enemy that your attacking because you can’t handle what’s going on in your own life! If you remain in a toxic relationship it can only bring you down to level that you don’t want to be at and you don’t deserve that!